What Matters

Jan. 9, 2026 - Stepping Out of My Comfort Zone...

So, I am starting something new. Stepping out of my comfort zone... again. I am going to start doing this blog thing here. When I started my journey going back to school, and the step forward to create SU4R, my goal has always been to educate and motivate. I want to use this tool as a platform to share bits of ideals that can relate to our mental health and what affects the way we react and behave. I may have knowledge, but I am anything but an expert... who has an expensive piece of paper that I will be paying for for the rest of my life.

I want this part to be interactive. What do you want to discuss, share, read about? This part is for you, all of this is for you. I know a lot of mental health presentations provide the same information, but I want to deliver what you feel is missed when hearing about mental health. What questions do you have or experiences that just don't fit your mold or make you feel like your problems and feeling aren't valid.

My reasoning behind starting SU4R to begin with was for you. I want to educate and motivate. I want to provide support in a way that is a different approach than what is typically found with peer support, while still being a peer. I want SU4R to be vulnerable and real. We all hold a narrative that can benefit another person; possibly even save their life. I will lead by example. I will share information about relevant topics or experiences; they may or may not be about me or someone else's issues, but confidence will always be held that identities will not be revealed. I will share knowledgeable information that others share and give credit where credit is due. Developing SU4R is not all about me, it's about standing up for others. Contact me. Let me know how I can stand up for you.

Be Vigilant.

Stay Safe!

Jan. 17, 2025 - Road Rage. Avoid Driving Becoming a Combat Sport...

I had a close call incident occur this week while I was driving that really pissed me off, so it’s going to be what I kick this blog thing off with. Do the people who can’t find the pedal on the right irritate you to the point of beyond frustration? We all know we have been behind them. We can probably admit that we have been on the other side of another person’s frustration. Personally, I am an aggressive driver with passive-aggressive reactions. However, my recent road interaction was with someone that was texting, not knowing if they wanted to drive to slow or too fast, almost caused 3 accidents, 1 which would have involved me. To say the least, at a stop light, I politely told him to get his head out of his ass before he killed someone.

If already dealing with mental health conditions, such as anxiety, stress, depressive symptoms, or PTSD, the symptoms create a perfect predisposed case of potential road rage occurring. My own personal factors such as remembering responding to previous traumatic events relating to traffic accidents, extrications, or fatal scenes can be big triggers. The same goes with watching others drive recklessly, which can also cause the same kinds of triggers. For any of us, just the simple stress of being rushed or feeling trapped in a box of traffic can become problematic by creating a tense driving atmosphere. Then add in the actual idiot drivers and circumstances that add to the dangers on the road, the stress and problems only increase. All of these causes can create spontaneous eruptions of anger which come from underlying psychological factors. Sometimes the question becomes, which came first, the incident that caused the psychological problem or the psychological problem that caused the incident?

One of the best, overall ways to combat road rage issues is to use a strategy and tactic approach. This is a language that most first responders can relate to and that I often refer to. We have a goal of what we want to do (strategy), and tasks in how we’re going to do it (tactic). The big umbrella strategy can be, “how am I going to get from point A to point B safely without creating a road rage incident for either myself or another person while driving there?”. Tactics to accomplish such a strategy can be leaving a little earlier so as to not feel rushed. Maintain situational awareness and always have a sense of the environment and other drivers around you. Be in touch with the mood you are in, it may determine how you may react to the guy who can’t find the pedal on the right or cuts you off turning left from the right lane. Utilize wellness techniques you have available, which in a car, one always available is breathing. I have become quite passive-aggressive, a good ‘ol fashioned smile, wave, and thank you can go a long way. The wave, however, should probably be with all fingers… However, even my anger can get the best of me and I will confront a person on the road.

I want to thank friends at Sieben and Polk Law for providing me with some great information about road rage. Check out their link. It discusses mental health, managing emotions, causes, symptoms, and consequences. https://www.siebenpolklaw.com/road-rage/ . Remember your resources. Until the next time of thoughts and ideas, everyone be vigilant and safe!

Jan 21, 2025 - Being Sick Sucks!

One thing I hate… being sick. I am not a cold weather person, so wintertime in the Midwest hurts my feelings to begin with, and when I get cold, it takes a long time to get warm. The weird things is, I like snow, I think it’s beautiful. I even like to play in it sometimes. So, if it’s going to be cold, bring on the snow. I just have to be in the mood for it. I like to say that I am allergic to the cold. Some of you like it. Y'all are weird! Now the wind! … now that should just have a restraining order against it! However, when I am sick, I am not in the mood for anything, let alone snow… and right now, I am sick.

When you are dealing with mental health issues, being sick can worsen your conditions and your mental health conditions can worsen when you’re sick. Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a real thing. Although it is not recognized as a specific diagnosable disorder per the diagnostic manual of disorders (DSM-5-TR), it is a specifier for major depressive disorder and bi-polar disorder. Ongoing debate continues about classifying it as a single recognized disorder; so, there is definitely substantial medical research that has proven its impact. Research shows percentage rates vary between 1.4% in Florida up to 9.7% in New Hampshire and obviously continues to vary within the United States based on the climate. Cognitive and physical disturbances are both detrimentally created, resulting in behavior, mood, thought processing, judgement, physical activity, social contact, and sleep problems.

Two of the biggest hypotheses that has been studied and has found great evidence is how the circadian rhythm is disrupted and how hormones play significant roles in the mental disruptions that are experienced. When days get shorter and nights get longer, our sleep patterns are impacted. We need sleep! Our body loves sleep! In fact, it craves sleep, and typically we are meant to sleep when it is dark. Not to mention that when production of serotonin, dopamine, endorphins, oxytocin, norepinephrine, and melatonin slow down hormonal and circadian disruptions occur. In the big picture, you will start to see or feel the exact same kinds of symptoms that major psychological disorders present. Especially the ones that first responders may likely be suffering from, such as major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, substance abuse, and other mental health concerns. Are you seeing the link? Which affects which?

Bottom line is, we need to take care of all of ourselves. For me, it will be sleeping (I am really good at sleeping. I have years to catch up on), light therapy (for me will be hopping in a tanning bed), making plans to move somewhere warmer (but I still have at least 10 more years), take some vitamin D, take some vitamin C, and practice my wellness techniques that work for me. Because no matter what we deal with, it is probably going to affect out mental health, which will affect our physical health, and our physical health affects our mental health. It is inevitable that seasons change, that the sick is going to attack you. It goes without saying that the older I get, the more I am going to bitch about the cold and complain about the wind. My personal mental issues I deal with have a very bad relationship with the sick, so we don’t need any help. … I hope you all avoid the sick! Go take a nap if you don’t. … Be vigilant and stay safe.

Jan 27, 2026 - Getting Beat Down and Getting Back Up, Over and Over. But It Hurts...

A friend of mine recently posted on the face place about how he has been able to begin healing his trauma and coping with the experiences of years as being a paramedic, as well as a contracted civilian medic for the military overseas in the sandbox. I had the pleasure of learning an immense amount of knowledge from this man and making runs that I watched him work under pressure with the greatest of ease. He is one of the guys I will always consider the legends of the old school medics; and there just won’t be any like them anymore. The last of that generation is dying out. And that is no disrespect from the generation that has replaced them, it was just a different society and a different way of treating.

Personally, I am considered to be a major depressive, treatment-resistive person. Yes, it exists. I’ve done all the things for treatment, and I still put the work in every day, often to no avail. This doesn’t mean that I don’t want help, that I don’t put in the work, or that I am making excuses to get attention; however, this is most often the browbeating and scrutiny that I take from people who don’t understand. It’s frustrating beyond words. Over the last 30 years, I have had a multitude of physical health concerns and surgeries (starting with having my son by emergency c-section) that I have had treated. But since I spiraled and my diagnosis with PTSD, they have gotten worse and the symptoms have sucked the life out of me over the last 7 years. I have gone from being a physically strong person, a capable firefighter, a competitive/amateur athlete in a physically aggressive combat sport, and someone who never shied away from physical labor (in fact, usually voluntold that I would help others, but happily oblige). I am now reduced to having to rely on others to help me with minor tasks, let alone major ones. For me to go out and shovel the snow this weekend was a no-go. It’s not because I don’t want to, but rather I physically couldn’t handle it. I don't like people doing things for me. Instead, I sat inside and cried while my amazing fiancé did the hard work.

Everyone is affected differently and everyone responds differently. Just know that manifestation of physical conditions are often related to traumatic baggage that we are holding on in our brain. The older we get, the harder the baggage is to fight; at least, it has been for me. My same friend posted “there is nothing weak about choosing a softer life after surviving a hard one”. The point being, at some point we need to turn off the lights and sirens. But I promise you that no matter how better you get, there is still the possibility that the wee-woo may still be in your mind and in your body for the rest of your life. You may have to chase and chase the answer or solution to make things better and you may never find it. Just as you get on your feet, it might just drag you back down. It’s the reality. That is the reason you keep your structure, you keep your people, every day you continue to stand up for yourself.

More importantly, remember that this is when others need you to stand up for them.

This is when it matters.

Stay vigilant my friends and be safe!

Feb 11, 2026 – Importance of Family

It’s been a hot minute since I've had any time to get some thoughts down. I have been really busy with preparing for some work and traveling. This past weekend I was able to do some reflection about the importance of having a family. Research shows that family is a critical element in managing mental health and providing guiding support and stability. Family support increases mental and emotional resilience, encourages getting treatment, and reduces relapses. Many of us are fortunate enough to have family that we are close to, such as spouses, kids, parents, and siblings, not to mention extended family members that we may be close to. But there are others that don’t have that, which can be detrimental towards mental health. There are families that simply aren’t close, dysfunctional, have no connection, have disputes, or simply members don’t exist because of death or they just disappeared. Often times people socially chose their family, which are healthier for their minds, bodies, and souls and provide the care and support that they need over all else. Family is family, regardless of how we have it.

I am personally fortunate to have family comprised of those I have not chosen and those I have. I have chosen my fiancé to be my family. I finally have found the right gear that works in my life and who makes sense. All along, for the last 30 years, I have been chasing the wrong dreams and ideals. When I met her, things fell into place. I know and feel now that I have a partner who will be the one that can handle navigating the struggles that I deal with daily. She has already weathered much of a storm with me, and she has not faltered once. She makes me feel understood, respected, safe, and loved how I am, not how she wants me to be. I admire her perseverance.

Even though I am almost 50 years old, I am an orphan. Both of my parents passed away last year within 3 months of each other. My mom was my hero. She taught me how to survive.

I have my two kids. My son is 30 years old and my daughter is 8. I can’t imagine my life without them. My son loves with his whole soul and protects fiercely those that he loves. My daughter is the epitome of the changes in the world that I wish we could all see. She is kind, giving, caring, funny, and simply a happy human that brings happiness, brightness and joy wherever she goes. I admire them both and they are my lights that shines.

Feb 19, 2026 - Hard Reset in Nature

This past weekend was another busy one for me. Another trip, this time to the Upper Peninsula in Michigan. My fiancé’s parents live up there and it was a great visit with them. That alone coincides with my last post about the importance of family and having a relationship with them where you can feel a sense of safeness and acceptances. They are bonus family to me because of my partner and what she has brought to the table in our relationship, but I am grateful that they accept me and my daughter into their family and home and making me feel welcome and loved.
When I travel and vacation, I have always been a tropical and beach girl all the way. I love hot weather and the sun beating down on me providing me with some natural vitamin D. It is relaxing to me; the hotter, the better. I am definitely not a fan of the cold! It hurts my feelings. But I also like to experience all kinds of places, and I have vacationed all over; New York City, Vegas, Sturgis, SD, Hollywood, Miami, Denver, Jamacia, Mexico, Grand Cayman, Germany, Austria, and Switzerland. Thinking about it, I have been to a lot of places! Although only having been to the UP just a few times, I am officially in love. I have been in the winter and in the summer and not yet has it failed to satisfy my need for relaxation in either season and has offered a hard mental reset every time . It may be my new favorite, cold weather and all. There is so much to do. Whether we are playing in Tahquamenon Water Falls, hiking, rock hunting (yes, I love looking for cool rocks!), watching dog sled races, snowmobiling, in snow that is 3ft deep and you sink to your knees, or just doing nothing at all and enjoying being off the grid, doing them over and over won’t get old. I look forward to going there; it sucks that it’s a 7-hour drive (maybe 9ish in the winter if it’s snowing). It sucks because it’s not a long weekend kind of trip, so we don't go often, but it's worth the wait.

When struggling with mental health, the importance of getting away from the realities of everyday life is a way to reset the mind to a state of calmness. For me the key is to have a trip with no expectations, no schedules, and a relaxing environment. To me, that looks like full nature, often referred to as “nature prescription”. Cities are fun, but being in nature has proven to be an effective way to reduce stress hormones, alleviate fatigue, enhances focus, and boosts mood. A big thing about nature is that it can allow for an internal sense of connection and feelings of awe. Nature is full of advocates for your mental health. The Attention Restoration Theory (ART) and Stress Reduction Theory (SRT) both state that nature reduces psychological stress and restores the ability to focus. A common exercise used to reconnect when you feel that you have gone off line with anxiety, is the 5 Senses Exercise. First, ground yourself and engage your mind in the natural surroundings around you. You can even do this in urban areas. You then create a mind clearing focus. Empty your head of thoughts. Then find one thing to focus on and only one thing that you can see; take it in, look closely, examine it as it is, what does it remind you of, how does it make you feel. Follow this same process for every sense you have, hearing, touching, smelling, tasting (I have eaten dandelions and leaves, even tasted dirt, but it could be the taste in your mouth or just skip it). Close your eyes. Each time, taking in what your body is experiencing, reduces threat and stress. How long it takes you is up to you. You don't have to follow any order of senses and you can repeat senses if you feel inclined by something that catches your attention. The exercise can last for 5 minutes, or it can last for 5 hours. Be mindful that depending on where you are can make a difference. Stressful triggers may exist creating an ineffective process. If the process begins to create more stress, simply stop.